Should we really change for a man?
I need to start with an apology. To my mother, because she was right; to my own instinct for similar reasons. And finally, to my heart, for putting it through unspeakable torment in the name of....well, I'm not even quite sure what that was.
Yes I was with someone and then it ended. But for the sake of national security, I won't get into much detail. The highs were highs. But the lows... were lows. And according to him, I was way too complicated.
While I was trying to piece everything together, I couldn't help but wonder, how much of all this is actually about a guy discouraging our bad habits as opposed to power play, flexing his masculine muscle and pointless pursuit of perfection? And in any case, should we really change for a man?
You see, after the break-up I've spend a fair share of nights clad in a full lace nightgown, wolfing down pizzas and streaming Sex and the City. In the episode called Ex and the City, we find Carrie pondering why Big has decided to marry this simple girl, instead of her. It's just that why her? I mean really... why her?! Carrie expresses in distraught. Miranda solves her turmoil with one word: Hubbell. Of course Miranda was referring to cult film The Way We Were. Robert Redford (Hubbell) is madly in love with Barbra Streisand (Kkkatie) but he can't be with her because she is too complicated, too outspoken, too confident. And so he leaves Katie and marries this simple girl.
I was emboldened by this cinematic reference. Women are indeed divided into two categories – the Katie girls and the simple girls. Looking back, I am struck by how many times I tried to change for a man. I would scorn myself whenever I detailed my own failings or hindered my own successes with the same forensic precision used to dissect a dress in a fitting room.
Before that, whenever a guy would cock his head to one side, critique me as if I was a piece of property or a beer he would order (if only it came without the foam), I would change.
Out one night with some friends, celebrating the joys of being young, wild and free, – in other words wolf-whistling at cute bartenders – I spotted him. There he was my ex with the new girl. Who knows who was accidentally bumping into who. I left crying and through my tears I said, "Why? Why did he end up with her?"
Because she is a simple girl - the one that requires no "getting to know". Suddenly, I realised that I am a Katie girl – something not everyone knows how to love.
And that's okay – because I promise you, one day you'll meet a guy who already knows that the simple girl is a façade but the Katie girl is... real.
Oh and your girl is lovely, Hubbell. █